it is easy in all of the preparations going on in these last weeks of my pregnancy to focus on getting a place ready, having the registries ready by the time everyone receives their invitations to showers, finishing birth classes, etc. It is a little like what they say about people planning for a wedding instead of a marriage. At least with my marriage I already had RJ around we shared our lives nearly to the same extent as we would after the wedding, and my mom planned most of it for me as I had to work so much. At that point really all I wanted was to lay down beside him every night.
This is so different. While I have all of these preparations that have to be made, I have never had a real live baby, my own baby, in my home for 24 hours before. I have been excited, yes, but nothing compared the thought that in 7.5 weeks I will hold my very own live baby in my arms. This thought takes my breath away. I have said to RJ playfully how cool it will be to meet this new person that is made up of both of us together, but it is to easy to say things and not think about what they really mean.
As I sit here with little feet rubbing against the inside of my belly every few minutes, adjusting in a space that is more crowded every day, I realize that in such a short time I will get to watch these feet move in the soft lighting of our family's beautifully prepared room, and reach out and touch the soft baby toes with my fingers. I can pick up this baby, and see his or her unique face and press it close to mine for butterfly kisses.
In my chair at work, my feet are swelling hanging down, and the familiar crick comes in my back. I have to be careful to eat regular snakcs or I feel sick, and if I get hot too it is so miserable. I can understand the woman who my midwife said just got tired of being pregnant. Who in their right mind would choose this over a baby? But I have to wait a little longer. Baby's lungs need a little more time, and there are no diapers on my shelf yet. Together Baby, Daddy, and I will be patient. We will stick it out these last few weeks, until we all get to meet eachother, and be a real new family.