Friday, April 30, 2010

changes, uncertainty, and guessing

So I have been praying for God to show me some sort of plan for me to follow since I started college. At first it was a reasonable (if difficult for me the control/planning freak) step of faith to just take it one step at a time. As I got married, graduated and had my baby, it was always assumed that he would tell us what to do with our lives just in time. Now RJ's graduation has come and gone, and we are still in Brownwood. RJ fries chicken for a living and I stay at home convincing an eight month old not to eat paper and electrical cords, and eating often enough to keep moving.

There are so many questions. Do we move somewhere else? Where? Do we just take the initiative to start the home church community we feel called to? How would we even do that? Or should we wait for God to make his timing apparent when a situation arises where such a church start would feel more organic and less forced? Are we committed to be apart of the ministry of Nexus, or has it filled the part of our life that it was supposed to and now we move on? Does RJ work a job just to make money to do what he wants or should he seek a career that is fulfilling and enjoyable? Should he try to find a job using the degree that he has, or was that all a waste? Does he start over training for something he would enjoy more? How can RJ work enough to support our family and have time to build a portfolio?

I have no idea.

For now we are looking for a house to rent. Two bedrooms so there is a place for both kids, and with a yard so RJ can garden. We also have our name on the waiting list at the only apartments that have a washer dryer hook up in the unit. They are income adjusted. RJ is applying for the art teaching position at a local private school. If he gets the job we will return to the question of moving next summer. If not, we may move at the beginning of the year after the new baby gets here. If RJ likes teaching we may try to plant roots here and invest our lives in Brownwood. If not, he will probably start taking online courses in landscaping and agriculture and he can get a job nearly anywhere.

Once again we have the path lit only a step at a time.

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